I Thought I Had Learned—Until I Failed Again

**I Thought I Had Learned—Until I Failed Again**

From accepting everything in one shot to declining opportunities to give myself time to heal and learn from setbacks- Start

This might sound a bit depressing. It’s not too much, but for a 19-year-old who was riding high on dopamine and had a carefree personality, it was hard to get over this. I still haven’t fully gotten over it. But now, I’m processing it in a more mature way—realizing what I could have done instead of just being clueless and speechless.

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**Quick story time:**

It was at the beginning of this year, I suppose. During my MTB guide training, Tara Sir was impressed with my outgoing character and asked if I could manage my time for a great conference called *Environmental Justice in Nepal*. It revolved around a book by Jonathan London, co-authored by Tara Sir, Bhushan Tuladhar, and many other renowned individuals.

I was asked to organize the event—or let’s say, manage all the logistics. Being a chill personality, I thought, “Okay, I can handle this,” and waited until the last moment. This resulted in Vijay Dai getting anxious when I was unreachable the day before the event. It was due to a very important personal matter, but I hadn’t said anything to him. I had a lot of pending work.

Vijay Dai, anxious and disappointed, called me and expressed everything. Honestly, I deserved it. I was proving to be all talk and no action. There was no visible work done. I had postponed even five-minute tasks, and so much was left unfinished. I couldn’t bring myself to cry, so I just listened to him scold me. I said, “Dai, aba ma garxu (I’ll do it now),” and hung up.

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**Big mistake #1:** 
I could have expressed what was going on with me so he could help. I had prepared 10 volunteers for the event—I could have asked them to help. But no, I thought I messed up, so it was reasonable that I should clean it up myself. Why worry others?

So I took it all on my own. Thankfully, my dada saw I wasn’t doing well. With a few words, he helped me last minute. He also showed disappointment, asking why I hadn’t asked for help earlier. I had an answer: I thought I could handle it. But being me, I went into “no-talking mode,” just watery eyes.

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Hard lesson #2:
Don’t leave essentials for the last minute—especially when you’ve known all week that they need to be taken care of. I wanted to make a good impression by buying something from a local stationery shop. I had my eyes on a specific item: a professional-looking name tag holder to pin on shirts. I was so sure I’d find it easily, so I didn’t bother buying it earlier.

But I never found the time to go to that shop. I kept postponing it, thinking, “It’ll be there when I need it.” Spoiler alert: it wasn’t. I couldn’t find it anywhere, and I had to scramble to make last-minute arrangements. I ended up wasting precious time that could’ve been used to complete other important tasks.

That’s when I realized how crucial time really is. Instead of chasing something uncertain, I could’ve just used what I already had. But I didn’t. That decision led to more panic, more stress, and more disappointment especially for vijay dai. In the end, he had to take over most of the responsibilities. All I managed to do was get the printing and handle the money.

Even now, I don’t feel like I deserved the money I was given. I didn’t do a great or professional job.

But hey-
I can always make up for things, right? I can do better and work accordingly, respecting the nature of the person who employed me or gave me the responsibility, not postponing the things. That’s what I thought. I encouraged myself with that belief.

But I managed to mess up even more.

It wasn’t until the next situation that I truly began to understand this crucial lesson:
Maintaining formality is not just wearing formal clothes, but actually communicating clearly with people, in whatever language, so that both parties understand each other.
Because when clarity is missing, misunderstandings grow-and relationships strain.

And just when I thought I had learned enough… life handed me another test. One that I failed